What does God want?

That bog-trotting, Commie boot-polisher Tsvangirari is all over the airwaves calling on me to stand down.  He says I have no support.  Hogwash!!  Grace supports me.  Bright Matonga supports me.  I support me….

Wait.  Not so sure about Matonga.  Anyway, it’s time I got my 84 year-old lead out, to prove I can still swing it.  Here’s the address I intend to give tonight:

 

My fellow Zimbababweanees.

Today we find ourselves at a critical junction in our history.  Between the future and the past.

Some might say that the kind of leadership that has left our fields barren, our economy a joke and an inflation rate that looks more like a telephone number, has probably had its day.

That it’s the kind of leadership that should probably just shuffle off stage, with a rather apologetic shrug.

I say NO!!!!  (and not just because I’m going deaf)

I say what created our recent past can indeed obliterate our future.

And to those who say I can’t do this, I say… “yes I can!!”

To those who say I cannot stand unaided any more, I say…. “yes I can!!!”

To those who say I can’t continue to govern with the same, crap policies and no bedrock of public support, I say “YES I CAAAAAAAAAN!!!!”  [Thank you, Barack Obama.  Heh heh]

 

I say hang the bastards who point out what’s as obvious as the nose on your face.

Call them traitors!!!  Call them pathetic!!!  Call them liars!!!

Because if I sneer and shout loudly enough, then IT MUST BE TRUE.

Now THAT, my friends, is leadership.

Only God can remove me now.  (and if the tingling sensation I get down my left-hand side is anything to go by, He might be thinking about it)

Or Elvis.  If he got in touch, I might consider it too.

Thank ya very much (apologises to the King).  And God bless Zimbabwe.

 

Later…. Received text from Tutu.  Said God had called, wanted me out.

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