June 29 – I am the Comeback Kid

I can’t believe it!!!  I won!!!!  I am, truly, the comeback kid.  To think that, less that three months ago, I didn’t win a single constituency in Harare .  On Friday, I got a clean sweep!!  My share of the vote was an astonishing 85% (now that was astonishing; I’d ordered the ZEC to give it as 120%.  The pusillanimous little turds.  I feel a little re-education coming on….)  But what could’ve changed so many minds in such a short space of time?  I find myself mystified, yet gratified.  Truly, my people must love me. 

I must send that little dog Thabo a thank you gift.  I can always count on him.  I must remind him he promised me a box for the 2010 world cup.

 I had a first draft for my inauguration address, but once I ran it by Emerson, he thought I needed to make some changes. I really didn?t think there was anything wrong, but… For example he suggested that I refer to the assembled guest as; Your Excellencies, Ladies and Gentlemen, rather than; Yo, beyaches and Ho?s. Another suggestion was that I refer to the electorate as ?stake holders? (I need to stop sending him to Imperialist NGO workshops!) rather than loathsome maggots! He also thought I went a bit far when I described fellow members of the AU as spittle dribbling bootlickers and my opponents as pond scum.

I hope Grace keeps her head covered.  That blonde look is really starting to get to me.  Although I notice those glances Gideon sends her way.

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