I got the distinct whiff of something unpleasant at the Opening of Parliament yesterday, and I’m not talking about the supposed ‘insubordination’ from the gin-swilling white boy-wannabes of the MDC. I simply turned off my hearing aid and took out my Malaysian cataract lenses. Couldn’t see or hear a thing! Hah. No, this was something far more pungent. Suspicion rests upon Gono, who I have it on good authority took one of his myriad girlfriends out for a curry last night. The smell had them rolling in the bloody aisles (pun intended), and was probably the cause of all that damned commotion on the opposition benches. Therefore, my first Presidential Decree of the new session is: No Farting In The Presidential Presence And A Steamed Vegetable Diet For The Head Of The Central Bank While Parliament Is In Session. I thank you.