That bog-trotting, Commie boot-polisher Tsvangirari is all over the airwaves calling on me to stand down. He says I have no support. Hogwash!! Grace supports me. Bright Matonga supports me. I support me….
Wait. Not so sure about Matonga. Anyway, it’s time I got my 84 year-old lead out, to prove I can still swing it. Here’s the address I intend to give tonight:
My fellow Zimbababweanees.
Today we find ourselves at a critical junction in our history. Between the future and the past.
Some might say that the kind of leadership that has left our fields barren, our economy a joke and an inflation rate that looks more like a telephone number, has probably had its day.
That it’s the kind of leadership that should probably just shuffle off stage, with a rather apologetic shrug.
I say NO!!!! (and not just because I’m going deaf)
I say what created our recent past can indeed obliterate our future.
And to those who say I can’t do this, I say… “yes I can!!”
To those who say I cannot stand unaided any more, I say…. “yes I can!!!”
To those who say I can’t continue to govern with the same, crap policies and no bedrock of public support, I say “YES I CAAAAAAAAAN!!!!” [Thank you, Barack Obama. Heh heh]
I say hang the bastards who point out what’s as obvious as the nose on your face.
Call them traitors!!! Call them pathetic!!! Call them liars!!!
Because if I sneer and shout loudly enough, then IT MUST BE TRUE.
Now THAT, my friends, is leadership.
Only God can remove me now. (and if the tingling sensation I get down my left-hand side is anything to go by, He might be thinking about it)
Or Elvis. If he got in touch, I might consider it too.
Thank ya very much (apologises to the King). And God bless Zimbabwe.
Later…. Received text from Tutu. Said God had called, wanted me out.