What does God want?

That bog-trotting, Commie boot-polisher Tsvangirari is all over the airwaves calling on me to stand down.  He says I have no support.  Hogwash!!  Grace supports me.  Bright Matonga supports me.  I support me….

Wait.  Not so sure about Matonga.  Anyway, it’s time I got my 84 year-old lead out, to prove I can still swing it.  Here’s the address I intend to give tonight:


My fellow Zimbababweanees.

Today we find ourselves at a critical junction in our history.  Between the future and the past.

Some might say that the kind of leadership that has left our fields barren, our economy a joke and an inflation rate that looks more like a telephone number, has probably had its day.

That it’s the kind of leadership that should probably just shuffle off stage, with a rather apologetic shrug.

I say NO!!!!  (and not just because I’m going deaf)

I say what created our recent past can indeed obliterate our future.

And to those who say I can’t do this, I say… “yes I can!!”

To those who say I cannot stand unaided any more, I say…. “yes I can!!!”

To those who say I can’t continue to govern with the same, crap policies and no bedrock of public support, I say “YES I CAAAAAAAAAN!!!!”  [Thank you, Barack Obama.  Heh heh]


I say hang the bastards who point out what’s as obvious as the nose on your face.

Call them traitors!!!  Call them pathetic!!!  Call them liars!!!

Because if I sneer and shout loudly enough, then IT MUST BE TRUE.

Now THAT, my friends, is leadership.

Only God can remove me now.  (and if the tingling sensation I get down my left-hand side is anything to go by, He might be thinking about it)

Or Elvis.  If he got in touch, I might consider it too.

Thank ya very much (apologises to the King).  And God bless Zimbabwe.


Later…. Received text from Tutu.  Said God had called, wanted me out.

June 16 – Obama On My Mind

Saw that two bit wannabe tea-boy Barack Obama has pledged his “support” to the pathetic traitors who would steal my palaces and suckle from Zimbabwe’s precious, if somewhat wizened, teat… That man is as black as an albino Aryan choirboy (mental note:  Yummy!).  If he was any less black, he’d be clear!  I’m sure the only reason this fawning little apple-polishing yes-man wants to be President is so that he can bend his knee and serve the coffees at Number 10 Downing St.  Parasite!!


I called Hillary, from whom I have long taken inspiration – http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1996650/posts – to offer my commiserations.  She would have made a fine African socialist and democrat:  Never gives up, ignores every possible indication that her goose is cooked and simply ploughs on into oblivion, regardless.  I had offered to help the old girl out by sending in the military, but she said the time wasn’t right.  Shame.