So, the parliament has convened and elected someone called “Lovemore” as speaker. WTF?!? Has the MDC resorted to recruiting porn stars to their parliamentary ranks, such is the depth of their unpopularity? This development makes an utter sham of Zimbabwe’s thriving democratic culture. If only this Brit-brown-nosing clown knew about the shark-tank I’d had installed under the Speaker’s Chair, there would have been less of his piffle about “a new era in Zimbabwe”, and a little more of the wild-eyed, tub-thumping xenophobia that we all know and love. I would have been there to put a stop to it permanently, but was undergoing a full skeletal replacement procedure at the time. Good thing to do, actually. McCain’s people recommended it. And to think, Grace said I’d never be able to tie my own shoe-laces again!
The ‘National Unity’ talks continue at a snail’s pace. Tsvangirai had some difficulty spelling his own name when we signed a recent Memorandum of Understanding, so Thabo and I used finger-puppets to demonstrate how the break-down of executive powers would work between the legislature and executive branches. Sheesh. I just wish the idiot could put down his crayons for a few seconds while we agree how he should be most effectively bought off and side-lined. Still, it’s not all bad news. Inflation just hit 11 million%, which is a new record and I think we can all agree there could be no more concrete endorsement of my economic legacy than that.