I can’t believe it!!! I won!!!! I am, truly, the comeback kid. To think that, less that three months ago, I didn’t win a single constituency in Harare . On Friday, I got a clean sweep!! My share of the vote was an astonishing 85% (now that was astonishing; I’d ordered the ZEC to give it as 120%. The pusillanimous little turds. I feel a little re-education coming on….) But what could’ve changed so many minds in such a short space of time? I find myself mystified, yet gratified. Truly, my people must love me.
I must send that little dog Thabo a thank you gift. I can always count on him. I must remind him he promised me a box for the 2010 world cup.
I had a first draft for my inauguration address, but once I ran it by Emerson, he thought I needed to make some changes. I really didn?t think there was anything wrong, but… For example he suggested that I refer to the assembled guest as; Your Excellencies, Ladies and Gentlemen, rather than; Yo, beyaches and Ho?s. Another suggestion was that I refer to the electorate as ?stake holders? (I need to stop sending him to Imperialist NGO workshops!) rather than loathsome maggots! He also thought I went a bit far when I described fellow members of the AU as spittle dribbling bootlickers and my opponents as pond scum.
I hope Grace keeps her head covered. That blonde look is really starting to get to me. Although I notice those glances Gideon sends her way.